I never thought I would be still dating at the grand ole age of just gone 40. 40 and a few days!! But I am and I realise that it gets no easier with age. Just worse I think. Is it cause all the goods ones are gone or do i really just attract them!! Im all into the law of attraction but im very worried now about whats going on in my mind after this date.. What am I attracting??
Well I made the effort, got sprayed, plucked, blow dried and waxed to within an inch of my life and left the house looking good. And the date started well, he turned up!! However in hindsight that wasnt really good at all.
I like to pride myself on being a friendly chatty person and usually put people at ease when they meet me. However this night, my charms appear to have left the building. Just wish I had left with them instead of hanging around in anticipation that this time, just once, it would go well..
He had apparently thought that making an effort was like I said in just turning up. This was also a historical moment in my dating career to be on a date with a bloke in a tracksuit and trainers. Maybe he was the sporty type I thought, be positive, maybe he just played a big international match and rushed over to meet me. Alas no, he just couldnt be bothered it transpired. But it was his best tracksuit, his "going out" one!!
Ok so far on the positives, he has arrived, he has remembered my name, where he met me but he seemed to be transfixed on my dress and was unable to make eye contact with me. Couldnt seem to raise his eyes above the bust line!! and again being positive, I put it down to being shy. He was just shy and would relax after a few drinks. We can work on the tracksuit later , all will be fine.
So after sitting at the table for 5 mins of me feeling like a hairdresser and asking him if he was going anywhere nice on holidays, he still wasnt making any effort to go to the bar. And believe me, I needed a large strong drink. So being an independent woman and thinking he would jump up, I asked if he would like a drink. "Yes thanks, I will have a coke", he says!! Coke !! I wasnt sure that I was in shock more about the fact that he wasnt drinking or whether it was the fact he was letting me get the first drink in. If this was him making an effort in the beginning, I couldnt wait to see how he would try to impress me after a few years.
I was happy to go to the bar really to gather my thoughts and rack my brain for all them ice-breaking topics I had learned at my works team building days. It was obvious after he had said, hello valerie that this was all he had in his volcabulary and it was all down to me.
He drank his coke like a greedy 7 year old child. Hunched up with his arms around it. Holding it lovingly close to his l shiny tracksuit top. Ahh did he think I would take it off him and tell him he had enough! I brooched the subject of work and YAY this was working, he spoke about 5 more words in a row. Up to now I had got UGH, YAY, MMM out of him.
I looked at this vision in front of me and wondered how I could have got it so wrong. We had been texting and chatting for a few weeks now and he was, yes literate and had the ability to string long sentences together, something which appeared to have left the building tonight with my charms. Wish I was wherever they were.
By now I needed a strong drink. It was saturday night, I was paying a babysitter. This painful experience was costing me 7 euro an hour so I was damned if I wasnt getting my money's worth. Giving me my bestest your going to love me smile, I ventured again, "would you like another coke" "Yes please", he says, not even batting an eyelid after me getting the first row in on a first date. I was really tempted to ask the bar man for a packet of crisp and a bar of chocolate for him to go with his coke. Good little boy that he was in turning up and ruining my saturday night. Where had he been for the last like aww century that he didnt know first date etiquette. Well getting a second date out of the first date etiquette at least.
As I returned from the bar, I noticed that his attentions werent on me at all but appeared to have started to scan the room. Had he arranged a get out of bad date card just in case and was trying to see if his friend was there to make his escape. Alas no, his attention was on all the other lovely ladies in the room. When I arrived back with the coke, he smiled and said to me, wait for it.. "did you see her, she is gorgeous". And he continued to blatantly stare at her.
So now in one seriously bad mood but needing the drink more than ever, I tried to draw him back to me just until I got the brandy into me. Well a single girl sitting alone in a bar on a saturday night is a whole different subject, right.
So what do you do with your friends at the weekend. God I was dragging the bottom of the barrel now. "Nah, no friends there", he said. He nodded then like he had just remembered and said he did have a friend from monaghan but he could only come and see him for an hour or so as he didnt like to leave the cows for longer. I didnt ask why but I would imagine it was that his friend just couldnt get a word in when they were out with all the banter.
So as i reached the last few drops of the brandy, I decided I needed to fake a heart attack as my date appeared to think he was doing ok and was impressing me. He was now nearly sitting on top on me and as I moved, he moved after me and I had now turn out of seat to move along on.
Let me just set the scene for you now. im twittering on the edge of my seat, his shiny tracksuit bottoms were making the hairs on my leg stand up now he was so close but he still hadnt looked me in the eye once only at my breasts. And had continued to blatantly stare at the other girl in the room as well, who also now seemed to be as uncomfortable as I was.
As I was about to throw myself on the floor, grabbing my heart while winking at the bar man so he realised he didnt really need to ring 999, Mr wonderful said he had to go!. Oh no problem I said, the hallelujah chorus raising inside me. Hallelujah Hallelujah!!
He jumped up, said he had a lovely time but he had to meet another girl at 10pm!!
All said while still looking at my breasts. I decided I had nothing to lose.. "Do I have half my dinner on my dress I asked as you seem to be fixated on a certain part of it all time" Looking me in the eyes for the first time since he arrived. And what a nice pair of blue eyes he had too for a weirdo!!
"Have a lovely time, she is one lucky girl !! I said in my best oscar winning performance of sincerity
And with that, without a backwards glance for fear he was following me, I made my escape into the first taxi, stopping on the way home to collect a large bottle of wine and 20 fags.. Saturday night wasnt over yet!!
Best bit .... drum roll.... about two hours later I got a text saying that he had a lovely night and would I like to meet him again, he felt there had been a real connection..!! I was tempted to text back and say that i would rather have all my teeth and limps pulled out one by one but I did the right thing didnt I..
I texted him back and said that i was gutted he had gone on another date but she was a lucky lucky girl and wished them all the best for the future. Took a large drink of my lovely wine and thanked god I had a sense of humour.!!
Im still waiting for one of my friends to admit they set it all up but alas no, this is real life but not as we know it.
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